Dreams

When I was child from age 4 or 5 perhaps younger, I would have the same dream whenever I had fever. The first time I had this fever I must have been quite young because I had a Holly Hobby night gown.

The only difference as I got older was that in my dream, I was still wearing the Holly Hobby night gown. I would wake up and need to go to the bathroom. I was burning hot. I would creep out of my bed and walk to the bathroom which was next to my bedroom at a perpendicular. The carpet was lush and green and my mother always had a night light on for me or my sister to find our way in the night. One in the hallway the other in the bathroom. It gave the hallway the hue of a night time jungle.

As I sat and peed, the heat would leave me and all of a sudden I would see the meaning of life.

It was wondrous and I would look at it. It had one shape and many and it would turn. There were angles and it was silver and shone like a light and then all colours and I was bright and beautiful and I would stare and stare at it with a happiness that I couldn’t explain. As it spun in front of me, full of absolute life, I felt cured of my fever. But I didn’t just see it, I felt it, and I then I also understood it. It was like a conversation without words. As I understood it, a sense of heaviness would come over me. Eventually it felt so heavy that I didn’t know how I would be able to bear it. I would then realize that understanding the meaning of life, left me very alone. Absolutely alone with that understanding’ because each person I loved, would never understand it, and I would be insufficient to explain or share it. So it was lonely to understand. I realized that is was so lonely that it meant total ostracization from all society. I would walk in my holly hobby nightgown back to my bedroom with the weight of it. I would have a sensation of sadness and torment and destroyed at the choice. Life with others or without, but with the perfect understanding. And once I had it I couldn’t leave it, it was in me.

Then I would sit on my bed with my head in my hands for some time, absorbing the grief. I would lift my child head with soft golden hair and look at my hands. Because in my hands suddenly was a deck of cards.

I was mystified by the deck of cards. All of a sudden, the cards would flip one at a time into the air and then spin as they fell like they were performing a dance. As each card fell between my legs onto my carpet, a tiny bit of the meaning of life would leave me. With each card that spun to the floor I would feel a little lighter. When the last card fell I would be free of the meaning of life and the obligations it carried and the loneliness it imposed and the sentence it meant for me. It was both magnificent, but lonely you see.

Then I would sigh that I was no longer required by my understandings to be alone, the understanding was gone. I would put my little head on the pillow and pull up my covers and fall asleep. Was it a dream, sleep walking.

When I would get very sick and go to bed feverish I knew the dream would come. It always did. I would still be wearing the night gown only it would be shorter and shorter. Before I would go to sleep I would wonder: what if I made it back and the deck of cards- the au hazard flipping deck of cards wouldn’t end up in my hands. I would wonder what would happen if I woke up before the last card fell. All the cards would need to fall for me to be unburdened by the understanding. But I was always also excited and curious to see that bright and beautiful light and the turning and the colours and the silver and the shape.

For me the cards always dropped.

Another thought would come to me as a child. That perhaps some day I would have to face evil or who commands it. and I would know he could never be ever be without simultaneously proving God. And I would fall asleep happy because I know God is with me and exceptionally more when evil is about.

Now we see evil or the fruits of it everywhere. We see Godless Fabians in pursuit of their heinous perfect hate against those who believe any of the Abrahamic religions.

Don’t these Fabians see who they worship. And all they do with all their Godless view of the world is prove Goodness, and God. Those who see man as just a beast, that can be eliminated without consequence, serve an occult.

In so doing the merely try on a vision of darkness that proves light and defines it more clearly. Silly sods. Evil is evil because there requires an opposing view. They always have operated in the darkness because their deeds, thoughts and words attract natural horror.

They now try to impose a regularization of that horror. Even atheists recoil of their treatment of man as beasts to be dissolved or dealt with, without consequence or morality. Those without God in their life yet call for justice for the Globalists, lack of morality. Those who do evil on a gross scale justify it either that it is not evil because it is there is no God, or that man is not holy and also not made in God’s image, and humans are just a beast like any other, and they being a beast can treat other beasts as beast themselves.

A view point that honours life on the one side. A view point of life being pointless, or expandable, or even human as beast to abuse. Good. v. Evil. The forces can almost be drawn as in art.

The view that there is no God within us, is opposed by the view that there is. If I am right, then there is a connection through time and space that cannot be corralled by the digi fencing of their making. And we will find we are connected by that. When we feel compelled to work for good, inexplicably, we may be carving out a space for that connection. These emperors only carve in the darkness the relief for which Good does stand. Good has meaning in that contrast and we are attracted to it.

We are able to reach each other and work against tyranny. Inspiration will continue to become more and more magnificent.